<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>five times it wasn’t a kiss and one time it was by soliloquising</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25215622">five times it wasn’t a kiss and one time it was</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/soliloquising/pseuds/soliloquising'>soliloquising</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>A3! (Video Game)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>5+1 Things, First Kiss, Getting Together, M/M, Non-Linear Narrative, Overthinking, Self-Doubt, The Pocky Game, hinted demi Juza</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 04:48:44</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>6,711</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25215622</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/soliloquising/pseuds/soliloquising</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Juza Hyodo hasn't had his first kiss. And no, those moments don't count as a kiss.</p><p>or</p><p>Banri is painfully obvious with his crush but Juza can't see it</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Hyoudou Juuza &amp; Sakisaka Muku, Hyoudou Juuza/Settsu Banri</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>38</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>228</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. five times it wasn’t a kiss and one time it was</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>after way too long i finally managed to prove myself that hey, maybe i can make a decent (and completely self indulging) fic<br/>hope y'all enjoy this (whatever it is, i honestly don't know, i'm tired)</p><p>(i planned to publish this before rpw but some stuff happened so here we are)</p><p>also, thanks, Emi from kisetsu server for being my beta i owe you my entire life</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>From the moment he joined Mankai Company, Juza had experienced many things he had been missing out on before. Things he knew he was missing out on, along with things that hadn’t crossed his mind. Now, he couldn’t imagine his life without those. One of the things he knew he missed out on, and longed for was hanging out with Muku and bonding over sweets, just like they were doing now.  The cousins had managed to build a decent stash with a wide array of sweets over time and, seeing as Banri was doing god knows what outside, it was the perfect time for them to indulge and enjoy a peaceful, quiet afternoon in the company of each other. Well, quiet except for the sounds of food packages being opened and the not-so-rare sounds of delight coming from either of the two.</p><p>“Um-” and Muku’s small talk, apparently. “Juchan?”</p><p>Not that he minded, he didn’t get many moments to be with Muku, and despite not being so talkative, he enjoyed listening to his cousin. He gave a hum in response -seeing as his mouth was busy chewing on mochi- and looked at his cousin to let him know he was paying attention.</p><p>“Have you- um have- have you ever…” He trailed off as a small blush appeared on his cheeks, making Juza frown in confusion. “Ah- I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said anything, that’s such a dumb question, you probably don’t even care and then you’ll get annoyed and-”</p><p>“Muku,” Juza moved closer to the boy, placing a hand on his shoulder. “’s okay, you can ask.” His tone was gentle, the tone he’d learned worked best to coax Muku out of his rants.</p><p>“W-well, I was wondering... “ his words were slow as he looked back up at Juza, as if he was trying to pace his thoughts with them. “Have you ever kissed someone?”</p><p>Out of all the things Juza could have imagined... yeah, this was not even close, but looking at the unopened box of sweets Muku was holding, he knew he should have expected just that from his cousin. Still, he could feel himself getting tense at the thought, he had never been one to talk about crushes and relationships. He wasn’t one to even think about that, at least before he came to be a part of Mankai. </p><p>Maybe romance was one of the things he had been missing on. Maybe he had never gotten close enough to get to know someone properly, or at least for him to develop a liking towards the person, not until Mankai. Now… could things be different now? Juza wasn’t so sure. Yes, he now had friends and people he could trust, he could be himself there, he wasn’t alone. Maybe he had managed to form a bond that could lead to liking someone, maybe he could allow himself to- but- </p><p>“Juchan?” He didn’t have to look at Muku to know his eyes were filled with worry. “You don’t have to talk about it if you’re not comfortable. I un-”<br/>“I haven’t,” Juza cut him off in a whisper, not wanting Muku to feel like he didn’t trust him. Right now, Muku was probably the one he could trust the most.</p><p>“Oh, I see. I- I’m sorry. I thought that maybe, well, since things have changed, maybe you had found someone to share your love story with.”</p><p>“It’s not that simple.”</p><p>“But it is! Everyone deserves a great love story, and someone to share it with!” Any trace of shame was now gone, replaced by the same burning intensity he got whenever he was allowed to ramble about whatever manga he was currently reading. There was something about it that made Juza want to believe what he was saying.</p><p>“Well there… may be someone. I- we haven’t kissed but,” Juza trailed off, unsure of whether he wanted to finish that line of thought. He had thought about kissing him, but saying it would make it seem more real. And it would lead to someone else knowing about the inevitable rejection that would come to him for being… well, for being <em> him </em>.</p><p>His thoughts were drowned by Muku’s not-so-subtle gasp. And he knew that if he were to look at his cousin, he would almost see stars in his eyes at the prospect of a love story in the making. One that was probably only possible in the overactive mind of the younger teen. And yet, Juza couldn’t help but let his mind wander too, imagining that maybe he had a chance. The more he thought about it, he became more aware that yes, he did want to have the experience of falling in love, and he wanted to share it with someone. A very specific someone. </p><p>“Do I know him?” </p><p>“Well- remember two weeks ago?”</p><p>---</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>It had been a slow weekend, a rare occurrence at the company, and everyone was enjoying it the best they could. That meant Juza was at the living room, going through a new script he had borrowed from Tasuku and enjoying the smell from the kitchen. Whatever new recipe Omi was trying, it was making his mouth water which made focusing on his task harder. Still, the script was captivating enough, and Tasuku’s notes in the margins were giving him a lot to think of in terms of characterisation, he could probably put some of these at use in the next play he starred in. So no, he was not going to get distracted, he was going to have a chance to taste what Omi was making later on, anyway. Except-</p>
  <p>“Oh, Muku, you’re just in time, the lava cakes are almost done,” Omi’s voice was as friendly and warm as ever, inviting Juza to focus on the man and the lava cakes. It was only when he heard Omi chuckle that Juza realised he was staring. “Do you want to join us, Juza?”</p>
  <p>He didn’t get any time to reply before his cousin beamed at the idea of sharing some time with him. There was no way he could say no to either of them, much less to the two together. Wordlessly, he set the script aside and walked towards the dining table where Muku was seated, while Omi took the small cakes out of the oven.</p>
  <p>Juza barely managed to let out a small “thanks” before all of his attention was directed to the dessert. He knew anything Omi made would be good, there was no way this would be the exception. Eager to prove that, he dug into the cake, letting the molten chocolate flow from the inside as he watched in amazement before promptly shoving a spoonful of the cake into his mouth. Yes, it was even better than he had imagined.  </p>
  <p>When he looked up again to thank Omi properly, he realised he must have been too engrossed in the cake to notice Omi talking with his roommate. When did he even get here?</p>
  <p>“-if you’d like, there are still a couple ones in the oven.” Was Banri asking about the sweets? That was uncommon. Juza put down his spoon as he looked at the pair, which didn’t go unnoticed by either, and earned a sly smile from Banri.</p>
  <p>“Y’know, Omi, I think I’mma try ‘em.” He walked towards the table, putting his hand on the back of Juza’s chair and picking up <em> his </em> spoon without any warning. </p>
  <p>He spared Juza a challenging look before using the spoon to take a spoonful of the other’s cake, making a show of tasting it, closing his eyes in delight and then removing the spoon from his mouth in a painfully slow manner, only to drop it carelessly next to Juza’s hand.</p>
  <p>“What the hell-” Juza started, but he was interrupted by Banri waving his hand dismissively as he walked away.<br/>Trying not to think too much about why Banri would to something so stupid if he didn’t want them to fight, Juza tried to go back to his cake, not paying any mind to the fact that he didn’t change spoons after- whatever it was Banri just pulled, nor to the way Muku was staring at him.</p>
</blockquote><p>--</p><p>“Ye- yeah, you said it wasn’t a kiss, but-” Muku took a deep breath. “The indirect kiss is a very popular trope in some manga, when one of the two leads is too shy to be upfront about his feelings but still wants to kiss his love interest.” He rambled on, repeating the same things he had told Juza back then.</p><p>“Muku, it wasn’t a kiss.” Juza’s voice came out more stern than how he meant it to. “Settsu would not have those intentions, he probably just wanted to annoy me. There’s no way he could be thinkin’ about an indirect kiss or anythin’ like that.” Despite liking how passionate his cousin was about romance, he didn’t dare look at him, so his eyes remained on the empty package he was fidgeting with.</p><p>“But- you do like him. Don’t you?” </p><p>Juza could only sigh, he had opened up about this, and there was no turning back now. “Yeah.” He could tell that his cousin wanted to keep asking him about it, but Muku remained quiet, probably for his sake. </p><p>The silence allowed Juza to relax a little, his mind was loud enough as it was. And while he knew his cousin had good intentions, it was hard for him to deal with his thoughts being echoed and pestered with by questions he had been avoiding. </p><p>In truth, Juza didn’t even know how his feelings for his roommate had developed. He wasn’t certain when the annoyance had gone from the legitimate desire to be away from him to a sort of familiarity and endearment, where he’d be expecting the other to annoy him, and even enjoy annoying him back and pushing his buttons, to stand next to him not only on the stage but at any given moment. It had happened a long time ago, and if asked, he’d say that realising those feelings was the start of him falling for Banri. Not that he’d ever say it out loud. </p><p>He couldn’t help but give a soft smile and laugh as he thought about their fights, and how they had gone from him beating Banri up and leaving to- could he call it that? It did seem that way, mostly for the past couple months... to playfighting and wrestling each other for the shits and giggles. When had it all changed so much?</p><p>---</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>It was hard to tell why they were fighting that time. Probably some stupid thing Banri blamed Juza for. Only for him to get fired up and attempt to defend himself. To no one’s surprise the argument had turned physical in a matter of minutes, and most of the fight became a blur after that. How the argument started didn’t matter, all Juza cared about was to get Settsu to leave him alone. Which was rather challenging, seeing as Banri was trying to pin him to the floor.</p>
  <p>At some point during the fight, Taichi had somehow barged into room 104, and it was only when the redhead tried to drag Banri away that Juza noticed his presence. </p>
  <p>“Taichi-”</p>
  <p>Taking advantage of his distraction, Banri shook the younger boy off and managed to grab Juza’s wrists, pinning them to the floor for a couple seconds, gloating about his victory.</p>
  <p>“What is it, Hyodo, d’ya got no fight left in you?” He let out a breathy laugh. “Pathetic. To think I-”</p>
  <p>“Ban-chan! C’mon, there’s something you should see!”</p>
  <p>Everything happened too fast. Between Banri struggling to keep him in place and Taichi trying to pull Banri away, Juza decided to headbutt his rival, hoping the impact would make him lose his grip. However, his timing was off. Taichi managed to make Banri move the second Juza had thrown his head forward, which messed up his aim, and Juza only realised this when it was too late. A blunt pain in his mouth was what alerted him that he did not hit Settsu with his forehead, as he had intended to.</p>
  <p>“The hell was that?!”</p>
  <p>He wasn’t sure if his question was directed to him or to Taichi, as Banri was currently sitting on the ground, making no effort to continue their fight and looking at the floor like it had somehow wronged him. The three of them kept quiet for a couple seconds, seemingly processing what had happened, before Settsu felt the need to break the silence and direct their attention towards himself.</p>
  <p>“Whatever. Doesn’t matter.” He stood up and left the room before anyone else could get a word in. Banging the door loud enough for the entire company to hear. However, Juza did not miss the way he brought the back of his hand towards his lips as he was going out.</p>
  <p>“Ban-chan! Wait!” Apparently the sound of the door was just what Taichi needed to get out of whatever trance he was in and race after Banri, leaving Juza alone with his thoughts. Had he really hit Settsu’s face with his own? His nose seemed okay but the way he drew his hand up to his face. </p>
  <p>Shit.</p>
  <p>Had he really?</p>
  <p>Did he just hit Settsu’s mouth?</p>
  <p>With his own?</p>
  <p>He knew Settsu was either going to pretend this didn’t happen or Juza was never going to hear the end of this.</p>
  <p>He just hoped he’d go for the first option. He already knew his mind wasn’t going to let him forget this anytime soon.</p>
</blockquote><p>--</p><p>“Juchan, is everything alright?” Muku’s voice startled Juza for a second, and the idea of the younger boy learning about what he was thinking about embarrassed him. </p><p>“Yeah, jus’ thinking...” Settsu never brought it up, and he must have said something to Taichi because neither had he, despite how much he liked talking about anything vaguely romantic. There was no reason for Juza to be thinking about this now, it had happened over a year ago, and they had somehow made an unspoken agreement to not think too much about it. It was probably for the best, he couldn’t have his mind running wild and making up stories like Muku’s did, that’d drive him mad.</p><p>“Is… are you thinking about Banri?” </p><p>A nod and a choked up noise were the only reply Juza could give.</p><p>“Well- uh-” Juza could tell Muku was trying to find the right words to help, but that only made him feel worse because he had brought this upon himself and he was now inconveniencing Muku with his stupid crush. “I don’t think it’s a bad thing that you like him, Banri is really cool, he reminds me of the lead of this manga- hang on, I can bring it here-”</p><p>“Muku.” Juza held Muku’s arm, trying to keep him in his room. “Please don’t. Settsu would never- he doesn’t care about romance, probably.”</p><p>“You don’t think he could like you back? You two don’t fight like you did and your relationship has been really close since your first play, I’m pretty sure he at least cares about you.” Muku sat back down, leaning close to Juza as if that would convince him. </p><p>A scoff. “Even if he did, Settsu is incapable of being direct.”</p><p>“You know him well, don’t you?” Muku asked with a small laugh. “Haven’t you noticed any signs of him being into you? Like maybe getting close to your personal space or looking for excuses to be around you or… Juchan, you have noticed, haven’t you?” If he mentioned it because of Juza’s increasing blush, he was understanding enough to not bring that up.</p><p>“I-”</p><p>---</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>“Tasuku! You’ve played a romantic lead before, haven’t you? You probably have a lot of practice in kisses! Can you tell me about it?” Right after a mixed troupe practice ended, Taichi had managed to drag Tasuku into a conversation he clearly didn’t want to have, but a look from his troupemates’ smiles let him know he wasn’t going to escape so easily.</p>
  <p>“Stage kisses are different from real kisses.” He looked away, determined to not meet anyone’s eyes with his. “I don’t think you have to know about it, Nanao.”</p>
  <p>“But!” The boy looked deep in thought for a second. “But what if we do a romantic play one day? Wouldn’t it be good for us to know how to stage kiss? It could be good acting practice! We need to play roles out of our comfort zones, don’t you think it would help? You can even teach us how stage kisses work!” With his excitement, it was hard not to picture the boy wagging an imaginary tail.</p>
  <p>Before Tasuku could say anything, Azuma spoke up, putting a hand on Tasuku’s shoulder as he did so. “Now, now, why don’t you indulge the young pup in this? There’s no harm in it.”</p>
  <p>With a sigh, Tasuku began explaining the different types of stage kisses, keeping it as short as possible. At some point, he had caught Juza’s attention, who was listening to him like it was the most important information in the world. Maybe it would be interesting to try it. Even if he had no experience with romance in real life, being a romantic lead would be an interesting challenge, it would be proof of his growth as an actor. Would he ever get a chance to have such a role?</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>As it turned out, his chance to use this new knowledge came a couple weeks later, and while it had only been a small etude to promote the company’s next play, Juza could say he was satisfied that he got to step out of his comfort zone like that. Or he would have said that, if it weren’t for all the thoughts that didn’t stop bombarding his mind, all related to that split second in which he hesitated on whether it was really acting or not.</p>
  <p>It hadn’t been acting at the start, not really. Like most of the times he and Banri were sent to do street acts together, they had gotten distracted with their bickering about god knows what, which, as usual, drew an audience. With time, the two had learnt to capitalise that, and they eased into an etude based on what they had been arguing about. Now their banter had the addition of a plot and a fight choreography they had been polishing, it seemed like the two of them were in sync, not only in their movements, but in their thoughts too, reading the other like it was the most normal thing in the world and backing each other up. That was something Juza enjoyed about etudes with Banri, not that he’d tell the other openly, but the way they seemed to have a connection, the way they always somehow stood as equals, that was something he appreciated from acting with Banri, something that made it special when he compared it to acting with someone else. Except this time maybe they weren’t so in sync, maybe Juza had made a mistake interpreting what Banri meant when his eyes dropped to his lips for a second and Banri wasn’t suggesting a stage kiss, but something else. Whatever happened, once Juza leaned in to pretend to kiss the other, Banri seemed to break character for a moment, not long enough to delay Banri’s reaction, but long enough for Juza to see the confusion in his eyes. Hopefully no one else noticed it. Whatever it was, it wasn’t nearly as distracting as the feeling of- yes, Juza was pretty sure his bottom lip had touched the top of Banri’s lips for a moment. That was not how he had planned the stage kiss to go, but that didn’t matter at the moment, this would probably help their credibility. That was probably what Banri was aiming for when he changed the angle slightly before the “kiss”. </p>
  <p>He was lucky that the applause from their audience came right after that so he didn’t have to think of what should come after that. What did come after a kiss anyway?</p>
  <p>Or maybe he wasn’t that lucky. Now that their act was done and the last flyers they had were gone, the two of them were left to return home in a tense silence. </p>
</blockquote><p>--</p><p>It was only a stage kiss, of course. And a brush of their lips, at that. Tasuku had said that stage kisses were not real kisses. But Juza couldn’t get the way Banri’s eyes had lingered on his lips before it out of his head for a while, and now that Muku had asked that, the thought came back. He didn’t dare make assumptions about what could have possibly gone through Banri’s head, he couldn’t get his hopes up, but the thought lingered in his mind. Could it be he had been reading some of Banri’s actions wrong? He was confused about what could have made Banri break character like he did, but whatever it was, it had been something genuine, should he take that into account? Should he try and understand that second of miscommunication that happened between him and the guy who was usually on the same wavelength as him on stage? </p><p>“He does, you know?” Before he could continue to overthink, Muku’s voice broke his train of thought. “He does seem to…  at least sometimes… he seems drawn to you.”</p><p>“He-” <em> why </em>. Why would Banri Settsu be drawn to him? That was a question Juza had been asking himself since the asshat went after him, looking to fight Juza for a second time. Banri was the only one who wanted to fight him and yet he did not want to take his place. After some time, he learnt that what Banri sought for the most was a thrill. One that, apparently, Juza could give him and, overtime, said thrill became contagious for Juza to the point he couldn’t blame Banri anymore; to the point he began enjoying the other’s presence and how it motivated him to do better. Did Banri still look for a thrill? Was that the reason he was ‘drawn’ to him? That was worse than Banri not liking him. Unable to find words, Juza chose to let out a small hum as he went to grab a new package of sweets, offering it to Muku before digging in.</p><p>“I can see why,” had Muku read his mind? “I think that Banri may be one of those people… that you have to challenge for them to be interested. And you- well, it’s different now but you two… seem to challenge each other… a lot.” His voice was lower than usual, to the point Juza wondered if his cousin was speaking to himself. </p><p>He couldn’t deny that Banri seemed to enjoy the ‘challenge’, whatever it was, that came with being around each other. But it could be only that. But then again, <em> thrill </em> is not the word he’d use to describe his eyes during the street act. Nor the one for- his face became redder as memories from that night before came back to his mind. Memories he had been trying to avoid.</p><p>---</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>It hadn’t been a big deal. It was a normal night, with Juza trying to study as Banri whined louder than necessary, but not loud enough for Juza to be unable to filter it as white noise. He had to focus for his history of theatre assignment, and despite his interest in the subject, the use of poetry instead of prose in <em> The New Art of Writing Plays </em> and the multiple translation notes were proving to be more challenging than he thought. Still, after a couple minutes, he managed to lose himself in the text, scrambling his own notes at the margins and taking in all the information he could.</p>
  <p>“The hell’s gotcha makin’ so much noise, Hyodo?” </p>
  <p>He hadn’t noticed when Banri had gotten up from his spot, but the warmth he could feel right behind him was enough for him to know that he was now close. Too close? He wasn’t sure, but it sure was close enough for his own body to grow warmer. </p>
  <p>“Your humming is too loud, it’s distractin’.” It seemed he didn’t notice how close they were, or that he didn’t care. Whatever it was, Banri was too casual as he laughed and leaned forward to read what Juza was reading. “Do ya not understand the text?” Okay, <em> now </em> it was too close. Did Banri really need to lean in so much to read? Juza could feel his hair tickle his ear, and he did his best to keep his expression neutral. Not that he could say the same about his heartbeat.</p>
  <p>He kept quiet, trying to gain his focus back, but it seemed his brain was more aware of every movement that came from his roommate.</p>
  <p>“A’ight so-” whatever Banri was gonna say, he never had the chance to finish it. For some reason, he had turned his face towards Juza, just a little. Just enough to startle him, apparently.</p>
  <p>Juza’s body was faster than his mind, and he had somehow ended up whipping his face to look directly at Banri’s. Yes, it definitely was too close now. Banri’s breath tasted like toothpaste, and that was something Juza didn’t need to know. But he was close enough to taste it, at least for however long it took either of them to react. Juza didn’t know how long that was. It felt fast, faster than a second, but long enough for his mind to focus on every detail and heartbeat, for it to feel like forever.</p>
  <p>“Whatever. Seems stupid.” Once out of the trance they had been in, Banri straightened his posture and went to his bed, dismissing Juza with a wave of his hand.</p>
  <p>Juza had to focus on his assignment. He didn’t have the mind power to think about what had just happened. So he did his best to ignore how hard his heart was beating, push the thoughts away and go back to the text.</p>
</blockquote><p>--</p><p>Juza chewed on his lip as he thought of that moment, aware of how his heart sped up just thinking about it, of how obvious he must have looked in front of his cousin, unable to say anything or even look at him.</p><p>“At least… I don’t think he would… not like you,” Muku broke the silence once again. But this time, Juza’s thoughts kept going at maximum speed. “If- if you were in a shoujo manga- well I think you would make a really cool lead, and anyone would be lucky to be your co-lead. Even Banri.”</p><p>“‘m not sure he sees it that way, Muku.” The more he thought about it, the more he convinced himself there was no way Banri could like him. No matter how his chest hurt at the idea. He had already convinced himself of that around the time Winter troupe formed. He didn’t quite like Banri yet, they were barely friends, so it was easy to convince himself and never think about it again. But now that Muku brought it up, now that Juza was digging through his memories, it was impossible not to think about the moment that had prompted him to come to the conclusion that no, there was no way Settsu liked him. </p><p>---</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>“What is it about Azuma that makes the two of you behave?”</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>“It might be because I let them sleep with me the other day.”</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>“Sleep with you?!”</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>“That ain’t- look, it was just guys sleeping next to each other, nothing big…”</em>
  </p>
  <p>Juza had stayed quiet, looking at the floor as if it was the most interesting thing in the world at that moment. Oblivious to Banri’s blush.</p>
  <p>
    <em> “Nothing big.” </em>
  </p>
  <p>Of course it was ‘nothing big’. They had agreed to never talk about it. As far as they were concerned, nothing happened. It was not like Azuma could say the opposite. The older man was gone once the two woke up.</p>
  <p>It had been ‘just guys sleeping next to each other’ at first. Azuma had somehow roped them both into taking a nap with him in the middle of the afternoon as his way to diffuse one of their fights. But when Juza woke up in the middle of the night, Azuma was nowhere to be seen, and when he tried to move and go back to his room, he discovered that Banri slept while clinging to something like some sort of octopus. And that something just happened to be Juza for the moment.</p>
  <p>“Oi, Settsu,” he tried to moderate his voice, seeing as the rest of the members of Mankai were probably asleep, but that seemed to do nothing to wake up the other boy. “Settsu, wake up.” He tried to wiggle in his place as he raised his voice a bit more. Who would have said Settsu would be so hard to wake up?</p>
  <p>After some struggling, Banri let out a groan, still not opening his eyes, and pulled Juza closer to him. Nuzzling his face against Juza’s cheek.</p>
  <p>“Shut it, Hyodo, let me sleep,” he managed to say with his face squished against the other’s, right before pressing his lips to the corner of Juza’s mouth.</p>
  <p>“Huh?” There went the consideration for Banri’s sleep, and the gentleness he had tried to keep. In no time, Juza pushed his roommate as far away from him as his arms allowed him. “Settsu what-”</p>
  <p>He didn’t get to finish his sentence before the other scrambled to get down from the loft bed, almost falling on his face in the process.</p>
  <p>“Listen, that didn’t happen.” Banri’s voice trembled as he made his way out of the room. “We ain’t gonna talk about this. Ever. I’ll beat the shit outta you if you do.” With those words, he slammed the door of Azuma’s room shut and went somewhere. The only thing Juza knew was that Banri did not go back to room 104 that night. </p>
  <p>There was no reason he needed to know that his roommate went to find and confront Azuma about leaving them. Repeating the words “you knew, didn’t you?” over and over.</p>
</blockquote><p>--</p><p>Juza’s cheek had begun hurting from how hard he was chewing, but at least he was able to stop himself before he drew blood. He needed a distraction.</p><p>Luckily, he found one when Muku offered him strawberry pocky from the box he had opened a while ago. That’d give him something to chew on, rather than his own mouth, and strawberry pocky was always good, no matter what.</p><p>With that settled, he began going through the sweets left in the box as fast as he could while still trying to enjoy every bite, missing the startled sound from his cousin when the door of his room opened.</p><p>“Damn, Hyodo, are your taste buds so broken that you don’t give ‘em the time to appreciate the sweet shit you like so much?”</p><p>Of course Banri had to appear then. Did Juza summon him with his thoughts? He stood there frozen for a second, with a half eaten pocky hanging from his teeth as Banri bent down to grab some of the sweets out of the box.</p><p>“You gotta enjoy the flavour y’know?” He put the stick in his mouth and began sucking on it, taking his time as if to annoy Juza.</p><p>“You’re too slow.” Juza rolled his eyes and tried to ignore the guy he had been thinking about all afternoon. But it was impossible when he noticed that the pocky Banri had in his hand had been the last one in the box. “These ain’t yours, asshole.”</p><p>“Why dontcha come get it?” Banri easily avoided Juza’s arm as he tried to reach for it, his eyes gleaming with anticipation before he stepped back and put the tip of the biscuit between his teeth.</p><p>Juza did not miss the small gasp from his cousin, but that was just one thought in the middle of the chaos in his brain. Did he understand what Banri was challenging him too? Was this another misunderstanding? Maybe thinking about him in a romantic light had been messing with his thoughts. He couldn’t risk it. It was stupid, but he wasn’t going to back down from Banri’s challenge. He still wanted more pocky, anyway.</p><p>He tried to reach for the biscuit once again, but Banri avoided his hand smoothly and took the pocky out of his mouth for a second.</p><p>“Pft, don’t ya know the rules? Even you should know this, seein’ you’re cousins with Muku.” He raised his eyebrows, mocking Juza as he took a step towards him. “Or are you gonna chicken out?”</p><p>That was it. Sure, there were plenty of reasons for Juza’s decision. But he sure wasn’t going to lose to Banri. Not when it involved sweets. Or the chance to see how far Banri was willing to take it.</p><p>With careful movements, he took the other end of the pocky and put it to his lips, lamenting the fact that Banri had chosen the covered part for himself. Though he did not have enough time to think about it before Banri grinned and took the first bite, his eyes daring Juza to continue. A dare he responded to without a second thought.</p><p>Juza must have overestimated the length of the treat, because their noses were touching far too soon, which led him to stop his nibbling for a moment. It was only fair, Banri had stopped too, maybe he wanted to pull away? No, the look Banri was giving him was still challenging, and his smirk at seeing Juza stopped. When he raised his eyebrows, Juza knew exactly what he wanted to ask. And no, that wasn’t all he’s got.</p><p><em> He had to get over with it </em>. Taking a sharp breath from his nose, Juza shut his eyes close and took the last bite left, smashing their lips together with a bit too much force. He couldn’t ignore the fact that this was not how Muku’s manga described kisses, it was clumsy, rushed and hesitant at the same time. He couldn’t afford any more hesitation. Banri had initiated it, whether it was to make fun of him for being clumsy and a shitty kisser, or because, for some strange reason, Banri wanted to kiss him, Juza couldn’t stand not knowing. At least the kiss would give him an answer. Positive or negative, he wouldn’t have to deal with guessing anymore. He wouldn’t procrastinate on getting his heart broken. He had to get it over with.</p><p>After a couple seconds of keeping their lips pressed, unmoving against each other, Juza decided it was time to stop. Sure, he’d lose, but that didn’t mean much next to getting an answer for once. However, as he began pulling back, he felt Banri’s hand come to the back of his neck and pull him closer once again, slowly starting to move their lips together with gentleness Juza didn’t know the other had, before pulling away himself.</p><p>“Finally.” Despite pulling back, Banri kept his arms around the other.</p><p>Juza could still taste the strawberry flavour in Banri’s breath before he could begin to wonder what was behind that single word. </p><p>“You...” Juza tried to collect his thoughts. <em> Finally </em>. Finally, Juza had kissed him? Was it even about the kiss? It could just be that he finally pulled away. But that made no sense seeing as how he had made an effort to stop him. Opening his eyes again, he met blue eyes, looking more vulnerable than ever. Sheepishness and fear mixed in them, along with the shaky smile and small shrug he gave made Juza think that maybe it really was about the kiss. Could he call it a kiss? He would. Despite his inexperience, Juza had meant it to be one. Had Banri been expecting him to kiss him? If so… then… Did Banri actually like him back? Looking at Banri’s expectant eyes once again, he could only wrap his arms around the shorter guy.</p><p>“You’re the worst, didya know that?” He couldn’t keep the smile away from his lips, nor from his tone. “Could have told me directly.”</p><p>“Well, despite being as dense as a brick you got it. So I’d say I did a good job communicatin’ it.” Banri leaned closer to Juza, pressing their noses together again until he got startled by a whimper coming from the corner of the room.</p><p>Muku was focusing on the empty pocky box like his life depended on it, like he wasn’t allowed to look somewhere else.</p><p>“Muku?” </p><p>The boy only turned to look at his cousin once he was called, and dashed to the door as fast as he could. “I- I’m sorry I’m horrible for interrupting this moment! Thanks for the sweets, Juchan.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. what comes after a kiss, anyway?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"So..."</p><p>"So-"</p><p>Once Muku left the room, Banri and Juza fell into a not-so-awkward silence, still embracing each other in the middle of their room.</p><p>"You kissed me."</p><p>"You wanted me to kiss you, didn't you?"</p><p>"Ah- maybe." Banri shrugged, trying to ignore his blush.</p><p>"You better have, because I wanted to kiss you."</p><p>"Huh?"</p><p>"You heard me"</p><p>"No, I think I didn't. Seein' as how you're always mumblin' and sayin' shit between your teeth."</p><p>Juza knew Banri was lying, teasing him, he could hear it in his tone, but he had no problem to indulge in his implicit request. "I wanted to kiss you"</p><p>Hearing it for a second time didn't lessen the impact the words had for Banri. Yeah, he was sure Hyodo wasn't the first person who wanted to kiss him. But he was the first person to be this straight forward about it. Banri could recognise his feelings in his tone. Feelings he was still somewhat scared of. Yet, he couldn't stop himself from talking.</p><p>"Well, d'ya wanna kiss me again?"</p><p>"Depends. Do you want me to?"</p><p>"Ugh. You ain't gonna let go of that, huh?"</p><p>“Well-“ whatever Juza was going to say got drowned by Banri pressing their lips together once again, this time with more determination, but the same gentleness as before.</p><p>“Got any problem with me wantin’ it?” </p><p>Juza couldn’t help his smile. “No. I just didn’t think-”</p><p>“Damn, you’re really dense,” Banri didn’t hold back his laugh. But instead of a mocking laugh, this one had an underlying tenderness. “I ain’t good at hidin’ that shit. But maybe I have to spell it out for ya.”</p><p>“Go ahead.” Was it possible for Banri to blush more? Because those words sure made his face and ears feel even hotter.</p><p>Instead of saying anything, Banri decided to steal another peck from Juza, which made him smile as he shook his head. </p><p>“What, ya want me to say it first?” He laughed. “I like ya, Settsu.”</p><p>That was enough to break what little composure Banri had left. For a generally quiet guy, Juza sure had no trouble with words at the moment. And such simple words were enough to leave him with his jaw hanging.</p><p>“Surprised?”</p><p>A gulp. If being beaten by Juza was the first time he tasted defeat, it was nothing like this time. These were too many firsts for him to process right away.</p><p>“Wanna say it now?” It was now Juza’s turn to be vulnerable. Somehow that whisper seemed more emotional than any of the lines he had ever said on stage, and every second they spent in silence made Juza’s chest ache.</p><p>“I- look. I ain’t a touchy-feely dude. I don’t know shit about what’s supposed to happen in these moments but- Hyodo, I can just say you’re a bigger idiot than I thought. ‘Course I like ya.” He laughed as he reached for Juza’s hand, tracing it as if it was the most delicate thing ever before bringing it to his lips, kissing the palm. “Got a problem with that?”</p><p>“Idiot.” Juza was quick to hug him, holding onto him like his life depended on it.</p><p>“Y’know. I don’t have any experience with romantic shit. But- if you want- I bet I’ll beat ya in bein’ the best boyfriend.” Banri mumbled against the other’s shoulder.</p><p>“Like hell I’m losing to you.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>*throws content into the void*<br/>validate me pls</p></blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>